Wife keeps on getting loans behind my back, what should I do?

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Me and my wife have been married for 12 years and over the years we have argued consistently over money. Usually the lack of money.
Over the years she has got about 5 loans out behind my back, a mixture of bank loans and credit card loans and credit cards. The biggest one was a loan for around £7000 which she got by faking my signature. The other loans have been between £200 and £2000. Every time I find out about these loans a long time afterwards by opening letters and receiving strange phone calls etc. Every time I find out about these loans we end up arguing, basically because she never told me about them. She always comes up with the same excuses . Either she didn’t tell me because she thought I’d go mad or she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to worry me.

I have just had enough. Because of these loans and debts I now have a terrible credit rating and can’t get a new bank account ( if I needed one) or a mortgage or even move to a new rented house.

Yes we have had money difficulties over the years but I think these kind of decisions should be discussed between a man and wife instead of just being taken by the wife. The thing is I have spent years saying ” Do we have any more loans I don’t know about ? ” and the answer is always “NO”.

Today I found out that she was claiming some kind of benefit between last March and September and apparently a woman came to our house from the council in September and told my wife that we owed money because we had been paid too much. I didn’t know anything about the benefit or the womans visit or what the benefit was. For all I know she could have been claiming single parent allowance ! My wife is acting strangely and is insistant that I knew about it all and I didn’t ! I asked her to show me the letters and she went into a rage and said she probably hasn’t got them even though we always keep important letters in a bag. I asked the council over the phone what it was all about but they wouldn’t tell me and said I should ask my wife. Go figure !

Our relationship has deteriorated over the years anyway. We hardly ever make love or kiss and I feel like this is the final straw. I am not the easiest person to live with but I am fed up of all these lies and debts that she has got us in.

Should I leave ? The only trouble is I would find it hard to get a house to rent beacause of my credit history and I don’t want to go and live with my parents at my age.

What would you do ?
To this day I have never found out what the original £7000 was for and we have even been on holidays were as far as I knew the holiday was all paid for only to come back to find out that it had all been paid for by a loan !

  1. Reply
    Eric E
    May 2, 2011 at 12:40 am

    LEAVE. financial problems are the #1 cause of divorce. She is manipulative, a liar and obviously doesn’t respect you. You should tell her that you are leaving first and ask her if she is willing to change of course, but what she is doing is just ridiculous

  2. Reply
    May 2, 2011 at 1:27 am

    I would have her arrested for forging your signature. Then you don’t have to leave where you are currently.

  3. Reply
    May 2, 2011 at 1:36 am

    Get the police involved re forged signature.
    Tell her that she has to leave or clear all her debts herself.
    Put an ad in the paper that says that you are no longer responsible for her debts or claims.
    Do this through a solicitor.

  4. Reply
    May 2, 2011 at 2:18 am

    If she’s using YOUR name for these loans, etc, then you tell her the next time she tries it, you are pressing charges against her for fraud.

    In my opinion, this lady is wacko, manipulative and greedy. Not qualities I would want in a spouse. If the love is gone, why stay? I would contact a lawyer, explain the situation and see how you can divorce without totally going under financially. Because this women will take you for everything she can get in a divorce. It’s better to prepare yourself before letting her know your intentions. Good luck!

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