Why should I continue to live?

Deal Score0

I’m a 37 year old man and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. My financial situation is terrible. I’m in debt and I had no choice but to move back in with my parents after I moved out of my girlfriends place in April. Most people would have found an apartment, but I made so little money as a Graphic Designer ($ 13.50 an hour in the Northern NJ area) that there’s no way I could have found a place of my own, plus I have 2 cats and I feel like I’ve wasted my life. After I graduated from high school 20 years ago I went from job to job, now I’m going from career to career & each career turns into a dead end. First I was in radio & that didn’t pay & I got screwed over in that field so I was bitter towards the radio industry for years, then I went to school for Graphic Design and those courses ended in 2004. I did work as a Graphic Designer for 2½ years until I got fired because one of the owners said that I had to go because I wasn’t happy there. I’m not going back to school because I still have a student loan to pay off. I really feel like if I was gone it really wouldn’t matter to anyone except my parents & my relatives. I feel like “what’s the point?” 2 years ago on Valentines Day I had to have emergency surgery where I lost a testicle because a week before the surgeon who performed a hernia operation screwed up & I got infected & that led to my loss of a testicle. Last year on Valentines Day I had to go to have my Gall Bladder removed. It seems like the more the years go on, the worse my luck gets, the worse my life gets & I’ve had it. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore. Last October a friend of mine invited me to Vegas, he has a timeshare & he said that I didn’t have to pay for a room. So I go out there & have a great time. The flight back, which should have taken 5 hours took 24 hours because of flight delays, layovers & cancellations. Then I get to the airport in Philly, get to my car, I drive home & at 7:30 in the morning a deer runs out into the highway causing $ 7000 damage to my car. Yeah I had insurance, but still. Just an example of my luck. Again, I just feel like what’s the point. Every night I go to bed hoping that I won’t wake up. I just need to vent & hopefully someday soon I’ll die in my sleep and it will all be over.

9 Comments
  1. Reply
    ...?
    July 21, 2011 at 12:17 am

    yeah well my opinion is don’t do anything stupid.
    you no what i mean.

  2. Reply
    heather
    July 21, 2011 at 12:45 am

    It seems like you need someone to talk to. Therapy isn’t a bad thing, it might help you. Also, it seems like you are craving a little interaction. Perhaps you might benefit by making a blog.
    http://www.blogger.com
    http://www.opendiary.com
    It can’t rain all the time.

  3. Reply
    Matt W
    July 21, 2011 at 12:48 am

    No matter who you are, or what your situation is, you are here on this Earth for a purpose! You matter to everyone around you whether your realize it or not!

    When life seems unfair, and things aren’t working and it seems like everything would be better if we ‘just weren’t around,’ you gotta know man that that is just crap.

    You were created for a purpose, and I guarantee it was not so that you could die as young as you are.

    Things might seem really sucky right now, but I guarantee that they WILL get better.

    There’s always someone who loves you, and there’s one that loves you through it all, and his name is Jesus (not trying to sound preachy, my friend, haha).

    Thinks might seem bad now, but there is always a silver lining, and I hope that you kind find happiness soon, my friend.

  4. Reply
    cookies_forever
    July 21, 2011 at 12:50 am

    yeah, sometimes life sucks.

    but you have friends right?

    and you said that you can move back in with your parents? so they obviously care about you a lot.

    killing yourself would just upset them and cause them unnecessary pain.

    you never know when life is going to get better.

    and death might suck even worse.

  5. Reply
    pinkpinkiespink
    July 21, 2011 at 1:11 am

    think about right now your life its not where you want it to be, but if u kill yourself, then all your problems will be pass on to your loved ones, i would you really like that?? you should be thankful that you are alive and that you are suffering from any illness and that you have both arms and feet…. be grateful!

    and whats the big deal moving in with your parents, you should be thankful you have family that love you enough to give you a hand in harsh situation. please don’t do something stupid and dont even think about!

    Put your head up high and enjoy each day at a time.

    Good luck

    WHATEVER DOESNT KILL, WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER!

  6. Reply
    Tina R
    July 21, 2011 at 1:14 am

    Alright. Calm Down. Stop right there.

    Everyone has a reason to live. We are all facing hard times, with the global economic economy. It may seem like things can’t get any worse, but believe me, they can be. I’ve been in your situation, several years ago, but never, NOT ONCE, did I question my reason to live, or wish I was dead.

    There are a lot more people in worse conditions than you, believe. But instead of worrying about everything that’s wrong, try to be thankful for anything. At least you have a roof over your head, with a family. There are many people who don’t even have THAT. Take a look at that billionaire in Germany. One day, he was worth over 11 BILLION dollars. The next month, due to the economic crisis, he was broke. Completely. Like that. I think he had to move in with some friends…

    One suggestion that I would make, is maybe go to church, or get some kind of counseling, either online or somewhere locally. I know you’re frustrated, and things some to go wrong all the time, but there’s no need to give up on life. Life is special; take your time and think about what you’re saying. Look around and talk to the ones who love you. I’m sure they would not be happy if you die in your sleep.

    Talk to someone. You’d be surprised what you can learn and appreciate about yourself. Please–don’t give up!

  7. Reply
    babygirl
    July 21, 2011 at 1:47 am

    wow….seems like you have been thru alot in your life…but its nothing that bad….it could be a whole lot worst sweety….
    look around you…i am sure you will find someone that is worst off then you……there always is.

    i think maybe its time for you to have some ALONE TIME AND MY TIME….i have to do that for myself at times….and it does work….you just have to be patience….forget the women…forget partying….forget the whole world and fucus just on YOU and what YOU want and need out of life…..then you can invite others into your life…..

    to even think about doing any thing stupid …IS STUPID….
    cause there is nothing that one person can not handle if only they put their mind to doing it….but YOU have to want that.
    i to have had a very rough life at 45 yrs old……but i have not caved in…i have stood tall and proud ….even when i thought i couldn’t do it any more….for god only gives one what he can handle…..and it sounds like your a good person with heart….and when one can reach out for help….then they have heart and can get thru the worst of anything……cause reaching out for help….that is one major thing for any one to do….and you my friend…have just taken the first step…….if you need a friend….i am here…no matter if you need to cry,scream,yell……i am a friend in that knows what its like.

  8. Reply
    raddmadd
    July 21, 2011 at 1:59 am

    http://www.4stepstogod.com/

    Be saved. Read Romans 10:9 and John 3:3.

    http://www.biblegateway.com/

    There is no point for your life to end. You may as well have fun with it and try something different. Make a list of the things that bother you most, and pre-plan how you should fix them. pre-planning is very important.

    Like I said above there, God is always with you no matter what you think. Your problems might not vanish instantly, but Love is much more important.

  9. Reply
    Sunshine
    July 21, 2011 at 2:21 am

    Dear Friend,
    That sounds like the pits. But perhaps there is a hidden treasure in all of this. 🙂 It has been my experience that most of life is rated between ordinary, trying, and a real stink bomb! (and then mixed inbetween all of that are glittering little jewels of happiness) The irony is that some of my greatest moments of happiness is when I’m laughing my pants off at something that earlier was so painful, depressing, or embarrasing. Just the other day our friend told us that he was at the movie theatre with the girl of his dreams. (It took him four months to get the guts to ask her out) His arm was around the back of her chair and needless to say, that was a pretty big step for him. 🙂 Then to his horror, he noticed that his fly was undone. He worked out a plan to zip it up without her noticing. He would stand up, and at the precise moment the chair made the loud “flopping”noise he’d pull up his zipper. Well, everything went according as planned. She didn’t hear a thing…..except for a loud curdling scream! His zipper had caught the hair of a vivacious blond sitting directly infront of him! They had to pause the movie, and since he was in the center of the row, everyone on both sides had to file out as he and the half bent over blond filed out of the isle, her hair fully intertwined in his fly! It took half an hour to get chunks of her hair out (with extra help from bystanders) . He then promptly ran out of the theatre, leaving his date behind. Life was pretty much over. He sees his date around quite a bit but they have not talked since ! Horrific? yes . Hilarious? Absolutely!!!! 🙂
    Give your life manuer a little stir and then put it in the oven for a while. I don’t know how long it will take, but someday it will come out as one of those little jewels that will bring giggles to you and all those you associate with 🙂
    – Also I recomend reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankel ( a inmate from the WW2 concentration camps) He said something that has changed my life: “Ask not….What is the purpose of my life?…But rather, “WHAT DOES LIFE EXPECT FROM ME?” Life is always expecting something from you. You are connected to every person you meet. Your attitude and personal character influences each individual. You cannot escape that. Never. I do not know exactly what life is expecting from you at this moment, but you can answer that question. Maybe it’s just pressing on through the trials no matter how much it hurts because Life would expect you to keep trying. Life would expect you to make a difference in someones life. Maybe there is someone in your life who really needs you. There are things that only YOU can do. Hearts that only YOU can touch in a specific way. Also, ending your life only complicates your problems. You leave people behind and it will affect THEIR lives. Also, when you die, you don’t just disapear. Your body may be dead, but YOU are still existing, Your spirit: all your struggles, feelings, personality, experiences, guilt, happiness, is still living. Haha, it would be great if we suddenly changed into these eternal happy people right when we die. But that would be changing who you are. You will be the same YOU that you have always been after you die. Happy or Miserable. Relaxed or Uptight. You will still be able to grow and progress and change but it will be a much harder and slower process to do without a body. So I’d suggest trying your best to become the person that you want to be right now. This is your time to do it! 🙂 And I beleive in you. Also, I’d suggest looking closely at your life and asking yourself if there are any little dirty patches that you have allowed to enter . Infidelity, Pornography, Dishonesty, Grudges, Profanity, Filthy music, movies, books, friends, etc…. Just take a good hard look at your life and see if any of these have crept in. You cannot have peace of mind or happiness when there are these little monsters eating at you. A clean life is a happy life. “The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever meet is the one that watches you shave his face every morning.” Haha 🙂 It’s true! And you’ll always have to answer to YOU.
    One of the biggest blessings in my life has been the knowledge of a loving Father in Heaven who wants me to be soooo happy. I know that He misses you and wants you to be soooooo happy. He will help you. I promise. I will tell Him tonight that my friend needs some help and I know that He will help you. Just look for the little ways that He is showing you He cares. (And maybe some of it is His way of giving you a good laugh!!!:)

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