Why should I continue to live?
I’m a 37 year old man and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. My financial situation is terrible. I’m in debt and I had no choice but to move back in with my parents after I moved out of my girlfriends place in April. Most people would have found an apartment, but I made so little money as a Graphic Designer ($ 13.50 an hour in the Northern NJ area) that there’s no way I could have found a place of my own, plus I have 2 cats and I feel like I’ve wasted my life. After I graduated from high school 20 years ago I went from job to job, now I’m going from career to career & each career turns into a dead end. First I was in radio & that didn’t pay & I got screwed over in that field so I was bitter towards the radio industry for years, then I went to school for Graphic Design and those courses ended in 2004. I did work as a Graphic Designer for 2½ years until I got fired because one of the owners said that I had to go because I wasn’t happy there. I’m not going back to school because I still have a student loan to pay off. I really feel like if I was gone it really wouldn’t matter to anyone except my parents & my relatives. I feel like “what’s the point?” 2 years ago on Valentines Day I had to have emergency surgery where I lost a testicle because a week before the surgeon who performed a hernia operation screwed up & I got infected & that led to my loss of a testicle. Last year on Valentines Day I had to go to have my Gall Bladder removed. It seems like the more the years go on, the worse my luck gets, the worse my life gets & I’ve had it. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore. Last October a friend of mine invited me to Vegas, he has a timeshare & he said that I didn’t have to pay for a room. So I go out there & have a great time. The flight back, which should have taken 5 hours took 24 hours because of flight delays, layovers & cancellations. Then I get to the airport in Philly, get to my car, I drive home & at 7:30 in the morning a deer runs out into the highway causing $ 7000 damage to my car. Yeah I had insurance, but still. Just an example of my luck. Again, I just feel like what’s the point. Every night I go to bed hoping that I won’t wake up. I just need to vent & hopefully someday soon I’ll die in my sleep and it will all be over.