Please help how do I resolve issue with my mother?

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I’m in my mid 30s but she’s making my life miserable. I live in my own home over 60 miles away (where she’s never visited me in the past several years). She borrowed my credit a few years ago, she’s always had terrible credit, and used mine to refinance both her mortgages. I was trying to refinance myself because my credit is good but I can’t afford my 8% rate from the past and now the rates are 4%. Because I have additional mortgages (hers) the lender declined my loan, my payment on my huge loan is $ 1450/month higher than it would be had her loans not been under my name so I stopped making my payments earlier this year and am in foreclosure. She never apologizes or feels sorry. I have been asking her to remove her loans but she is trying to buy another house and doesn’t want it on hers so she’s stiffed me with them, I will lose my home of 9 years because of her and she seriously couldn’t care less which is VERY hurtful and driving me nuts.

I can’t qualify to get another loan to buy a house now that her loans are on my name so she talked me into cashing out all my retirement funds, stocks and bonds – all my security I had saved up for years for the future. She’s a real estate agent and she wants me to buy a house. I am resenting I listened to her and cashed out paying penalties and ruining my future nest egg to buy a house. Now the problem is she only shows me the ones that have big commissions listed for the agent. Whenever I tell her about another one I’ve found that I like but notice the commission is low, she talks me out of it. I liked one in another state just an hour’s drive across the boarder where she doesn’t have a license so she has been talking me out of it like crazy so I don’t use another agent, giving me a sob story how she needs money and wants to show her friends she’s selling houses.

I am feeling a lot of resentment and anger. She never paid for my college, I’m stuck with student loans. She’s never helped me, always mooching off of me. As a single older woman with no husband and children, it’s hard taking care of myself and on top of it I feel like the one family I have is ruining my life because she gives me guilt trips whenever I don’t want to follow her directions. I know it sounds pathetic but I can’t get out of her control and feel suicidal at times and like I’m breaking down. Any suggestions how to deal with her? No rude comments please, I know I’m a whimp.

1 Comment
  1. Reply
    May 14, 2011 at 2:26 am

    Have you told her about how you’re feeling? Communication is the first step. Honestly, I would do what I could to get her removed from my credit. You should not have to be her crutch to fall on because she has bad credit. I know you had her best interest at heart, but she obviously doesn’t have yours. Do not feel guilty about choosing another agent to purchase a new home through. That’s honestly the best thing you could do at this time. There would be a conflict on interest if your mother was your agent. You need to choose a house that YOU like and will be happy living in for many years. For once, take care of YOUR needs and not hers. I know she’s your mother, but you need to make sure you’re in a stable situation before even considering assisting her.

    Best of luck to you! I truly hope all works out for you! 🙂

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