My mom keeps asking for money…what should I do?

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I know that people have asked this question before, but I was hoping some different answers.

I moved out of mom’s house about 4 or 5 years ago. When I was living there with her, I helped her pay off all her debt (hospital bills, mortgage, unpaid utilities, etc…). She has her own business at home that doesn’t completely cover all the bills. After I moved out, I was still giving her money whenever she asked for it…$ 200 here…$ 900 there. Last year she could not work at all due to a disability. I worked throughout the semesters at college and worked 70 hours a week during the summer to support her. She got better, but not fully…enough that she could work again. She finally received disability money but it still doesn’t cover the monthly bills for her. So I still give here money ever few months. To this point, I have given her enough money to have been able to pay off my own debts. I haven’t been counting, but it’s been well over 10 grand over the last 6 years. I have student loans, credit cards (some of which I have used for repairs on her car, and her mortgage). I hate doing this, but when I don’t have enough I ask my fiance for some money to give to her. I have an okay paying job as an intern, but besides those bills we just bought a house. Also, I am planning a wedding. There are several other things that I need to get to take care of myself, but have delayed in getting those (primarily new glasses, contacts, other medical stuff). I can’t afford health insurance. I have told her many times to get rid of cable and internet, to quick smoking just so she can use it for the mortgage. I think those things are luxuries and I don’t have them. But she always says that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to at home and she’s lonely without the tv and internet. She’s told me that she feels terrible for always having to ask her daughter for the money and has cried many times for it. She’s told me that she feels ashamed for having to do this. I know that she’s my mom and I owe her my life, but I’m just so tired from working my fingers to the bone for her. When I mention that she should get a job, she said that probably no one will hire her. I’m tired of doing badly at college because I am always working so many hours to be able to give her money. I’m tired of not being able to buy myself nice things even though I have a decent paying job. I’m tired of having to choose giving her money instead of paying my owns debts off. I’m graduating next month and I’m worried that she will start asking for money more often then. She’s an adult and adults deal with their own problems. I want to tell her no, but I would feel too guilty to do so. Please tell me your thoughts.

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13 Comments
  1. Reply
    Casey(keriafu)
    May 14, 2011 at 12:09 am

    Why can’t mom move in with you guys?

  2. Reply
    bammargeralover55
    May 14, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Tell her that you love her and that you love helping her but now isn’t the best time.Then tell her to ask some other relatives for money while you’re finishing college.I’m sure she’ll understand.

  3. Reply
    Lisa D
    May 14, 2011 at 1:14 am

    Tell her NO! she is a mooch! don’t let her guilt you into bailing her out!
    Adults should not mooch money off their kids, she is irresponsible

  4. Reply
    maybuns_2000
    May 14, 2011 at 1:53 am

    Be honest with her and tell her you can’t help her this time. It probably kills her to even ask.

  5. Reply
    jessi_girl_333
    May 14, 2011 at 2:35 am

    here is a little saying that might help you grown a backbone and don’t look back. She is an adult and needs to take care of herslef you have helped her more than anything and just tell her sry i can’t do it anymore your on your own. she should understand and if she doesn’t well sry its not your problem. save some money and buy yourslef something i think you deserve it.!!!!!!!!!111

  6. Reply
    kennymcendree
    May 14, 2011 at 2:58 am

    Tell her that she fu** her own life up. I know it’s mean she got herself into it sooo… saaaaaaay Noooooooooooooooooooooo

  7. Reply
    mzdrea08
    May 14, 2011 at 3:08 am

    you mom will have to sell her home or move in with you guys if thats an option because if you are going to be paying so much for her, make her downsize or tell her that its not affordable.

  8. Reply
    Tinka
    May 14, 2011 at 3:10 am

    No! Your mom is her own person, you do not owe her anything, she gave you life YES but she also decided she wanted a child. She loves you YES but you do not have to give her every last dime you have. Maybe take a break buy yourself something nice. tell her NO you do not have to feel guilty, she is your mother, you are not hers. Tell her to go get councilling she sounds like a right pain in the butt. you do not owe her nothing and you need to get that in your head aswell! If you can’not then i think you need counciling, not in a bad way but just so you can tell them properly how you feel and why you feel like you owe her your life. you do not owe anyone your life. Good luck hun

  9. Reply
    Patsy
    May 14, 2011 at 3:39 am

    she is a grown woman, she needs to worry about the bills herself, and quit begging you for it. Maybe she is living above her means. She needs to quit charging on her credit cards, cut off the cable, whatever it takes. You are being the good daughter she expects you to be, but you didn’t ask to be born,, she chose to have you. Why should you be respomsible for her action?

  10. Reply
    Doctor Deth
    May 14, 2011 at 3:51 am

    she can go to the local library and use the internet for free.
    Smoking is definitely a luxury and one I would never support, since it’s bad for you stinks up everything – once you graduate – start taking care of your own bills and get caught up and start saving, then if there’s anything left over, try and help her , but tell her internet and smoking HAVE to go

  11. Reply
    Arlene T
    May 14, 2011 at 3:54 am

    I know what you are feeling and going through. I am a lot older than you are my dear girl and went through it for many years. My mom always needed money and always expected it. As much as it will hurt you will have to tell her it has to stop, that you have done all you can and now it is your turn to pay your bills. In the long run it will finally make her grow up and by doing that she will see she is capable of her own fiances.If she gets upset and starts crying tell her you have cried many times yourself over the same thing. Take a stand or it will never end.

  12. Reply
    Susan A
    May 14, 2011 at 4:08 am

    Okay well this is a really hard for you. I understand that you don’t want to hurt your mom but you still have to tell her that she can’t count on you. Shes depending on you for everything. 6 years is alot and you have helped her enough now she needs to get up and take control of her responsibilites. Shes taking dvantage of you. I know this sounds wrong because she is your mom but just think about. She will not stop and shes going to keep on asking you until maybe the end. Does she have any thing planned. What about when you get married. Whats going to happen? She will still ask you and in the future when your a mother you need to provide your kids with everything instead of giving your money away to her. Shes depending on you to take care of everything. T.V smoking and internet is not what she needs. She can volunteer work to keep herself busy. Go on a walk and stay healthy. If she actually tried then she can get her life back on track but right now she knows your there and you are carrying the bruden on your shoulders. Mother’s aren’t supposed to make life hard for thier kids. What kind of mother is she? Shes too lazy to go work and shes used to that now. While you go work your asss off shes at home going on the computer, talking on the phone watching tv, smoking. That’s not fair. If she actually tires she can do it and you are making her think that your always going to be there for her. Well thats not it. You have a life too and you need to build a family of your own. The times she cries I don’t know I think she is just faking it so you can feel sympothy for her. If she hates asking you for money she would stop because there are so many ways to do that. For once she should just sell her house. Why does she have a house if she can’t even pay for it. She should sell and get some profit out of it. She can use that money to pay of her debts and other stuff. Then she can go live in some apartment. Try and convince her to stop smoking that doesnt help the situation like she will spend 100’s of dollars a year for smoke. Instead she could pay off something. She might feel sad for asking you but on the other hand she likes it and shes used to it. Why doesnt she selll her house. Tell her to sell it she will make alot of profit that way and she wont ask you for money. She should go live somwhere where she can afford to pay. Like apply for a town house. That way she can pay everytihng and keep her cable, internet. Its really not fair to you that you have to go through so much trouble. You need to stop doing her thses stuff. I got angry just by reading your problem. It pissed me off that she does that. Shes using you and you need to stop asking your fiance for money inorder of fulfill her desires. Shes an adult and she needs to make choices and scarifices like no cable or internet. She can do so much that excuse that no one wil hire her. Its not true . She just doesn’t want to get out of the house. She will continue till the end and ask for your money alot. You need to go over and talk to her. If she cries then just ignore it. Be like listen mom I know you have problems but you can’t always depend on me. I don’t know where to get the money from. I need money too. You need to find a job and Im pretty sure you will. I know shes going to cry but she just wants you to feel sorry for her and stuff. Ignore it because if you don’t she will continue to do this. I know your my mom and you have some right over me but that doesnt mean I have to do all this for you. I’m tired and I need to start my own family. If you cant pay for this stuff then sell your house and live somwhere where you can pay for house and that way you will have enough money for everything you need. I would reccomned you to make a resume for her and see if she gets a job. Get like an easy job at like a restaurant where they clean and stuff. Thats good enough and if she complains then be like its up to you. You need to solve your own problems becuase I have my won to deal with right now. I hope you understand what Im trying to tell you here. You need to stop what you are doing for your mom and let her reliaze what her responsibilies are and you need to get on with your life. Help yourself and try to succed in life. Study and get a really good job. Your mom is basically stopping you from doing that. Get on with your life and leave her to sort hers out.
    Well I hope you take my advice on this one and good luck!

  13. Reply
    Pamela
    May 14, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Hi,
    I used “Credit Solution” to settle my debt and avoid bankruptcy.They managed to reduce my debt up to 58%.It’s legitimate.I came across this company on NBC News Special Edition.Check it out here:
    http://CreditSolution01.notlong.com

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