Ladies I need your advice, How do you cope?

Deal Score0

this isn’t a should I stay or go question, it’s a give me tips, or steps on how to make this easier.

First let me explain that I am very much in love with my boyfriend.
we have seriously discussed getting married to the point where I suspect he is ring shopping. however my issue lies in missing him. you see my relationship started three years ago as an online romance/ friendship, it blossomed into this beautiful relationship. with it’s share of problems of course. the biggest issue being the distance. You see I live in the city that never sleeps, fast paced and constantly moving, and he is, well, from Tennessee. not quite the same (much slower). after about two years of being together we decided to move in together, I mean we’d visited for the two years on and off even took a vacation together to florida. we assumed we were ready for the next step, and we were. however neither of us could sustain him here we didn’t have enough money to keep him living in nyc. it’s expensive. so unfortunately my dream ended three months after it began and he was forced to move back to tennessee. the absolute worst day of my life. since then he’s being looking steady for jobs to earn as much money as possible to come back to new york with as much as 100+ applications out there selling all of his personal effects, anything short of stealing or begging for it (although that’s next) and I find now that he’s gone I am horribly depressed, I can feel him hold me, I still smell him in my sheets, when I close my eyes I see his beautiful face. I have no motivation, I cry constantly, I’m irritable, and have become so bitter. I was so happy when he was here, now I just feel so alone, everyone in my family turned against me because they want my dead grandmothers money so I have no one to turn to and he’s promised to try harder than every before to get back here. my issue is I don’t know how to function now that he doesn’t live with me. I was so settled and happy ready to begin anew and start my chapter with him. I hate going places I’ve taken him, and I find I rarely want to leave the house. is there any way to deal with this depression of missing him like I do (without the use of therapy and anti-depressants) long enough to be sane until he comes home to me again. please don’t be rude, I am completely whole with him and right now I feel so empty. so if any ladies knows what that feels like or may know of a way to help please help me deal. I miss him so much and I just want him home
ok well since I failed to mention this part I might as well now.
1. He hates tennessee and so do I
2. I am a student in nyc it’s why I can’t just up and move
3. I’d love to get the hell out of here after I graduate, hell that’s the plan
4. it’s just so he can be with me now because he hates where he lives and I am stuck here.

and again try not being rude…
oh and the first time he moved, he did live with me. I live in my deceased grandmothers home, my aunt pays rent she’s a B**ch enough said, anyway. he’s not “allowed” to stay with me anymore part of the reason we had to get him his own place, this story is huge…ok…
also I don’t own a car, I’m looking for jobs since I am a full time student….too far of a commute is out of the question.

10 Comments
  1. Reply
    tom
    July 21, 2011 at 12:07 am

    stop being selfish and move with him where its cheaper.. he tried to move and make it work with you, not that he didnt want to he SIMPLY could not afford it. soooo you try moving if we means that much to you.

  2. Reply
    SillySally
    July 21, 2011 at 12:30 am

    Ever consider moving to Tenn? Why does he have to come to NYC??

    You might try living somewhere mutual, like PA (Where it’s not AS expensive at NY, but you can still commute).

    Or Jersey. Or any other state then NYC, Because NY is friggin expensive!!

    I know NYC is tough; I lived there a year and had to move back to FL because I couldn’t make rent.

  3. Reply
    cangel
    July 21, 2011 at 1:20 am

    why don’t he just move in with you? An while you are at work he can be looking for work? Tell him to go to monster.com and start putting out resumes. If your love can withstand this distance then you are meant to be

  4. Reply
    JG
    July 21, 2011 at 1:23 am

    Have you considered relocating to be with him? That’s what I would do. Did do, actually. I moved from a city of 2 million to a town of 25,000, and am so glad I did. It was a huge adjustment for me, but I’ve never regretted it! Good luck, hang in there.

  5. Reply
    abby
    July 21, 2011 at 2:21 am

    when my guy leaves i always try to spend time with my girlfriends =)

    we go shopping watch movies, eat ice cream and they understand that i want to get my mind off of him for the time being

    then at the end of the day ill text him.
    once he went off for a month for a ski trip
    on saturdays we would both rent the same movie and start it at the same time and watch it over the phone together

    it was actually pretty fun =)
    hearing his voice reminds me that i love him more than anything
    and hes definitely worth the wait

    good luck <3

  6. Reply
    Addy
    July 21, 2011 at 2:36 am

    If no one’s there for you, try moving in with him. But don’t do it until you’re sure you want this, sure this is the guy you want to spend your life with–despite what you hear, marriage actually is a reverend thing. Don’t ditch it.

  7. Reply
    x..Apple Piee..x
    July 21, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Hi there, yes I’ve met a guy online too and the distance just kills it all.

    I understand your situation and I really would hate to be in your shoes too.

    I think that maybe you should go visit him in Tennessee. He probably needs to and wants to see you again. His condition is probably just like yours but I can see how much he’s doing for you.

    You’re in college , yeh?
    maybe try and get some job localy? When you earn , save it and give him half so that he can use it for his living too.
    Honey, try and pray for him if you believe in God, its completely fine if you dont but just keep calling him and let him know that you love him and you’ll wait for him to get settled.

    Maybe, get him to write out a resume or whatever you guys call it there in America and you could distribute it to some bussinesses in the city you like and the city you’ll move to after college. If they call him for an interview , then let him know and there you go!

    so, I hope I helped you.
    I really hope things become easier for you to, guys.

    Always Take care.
    xx

  8. Reply
    selzzufyzark
    July 21, 2011 at 4:04 am

    wait it out.
    because you should now that your love for him is strong enough to hold you two together.
    he’ll be back you just gotta keep telling yourself that.
    it’s not lik ehe’s gone forever. he’s still YOURS.

    answer mine!

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuYwbLdjHk8MlLjmwDF6pJkazKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081005175610AApS8rY

  9. Reply
    Audrey F
    July 21, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Well, if you two are really soul mates…then maybe you two should talk about moving into the country near NYC. This way, if you have a great money making job (which you did not say what your job was), you can still take the train into NYC to work and your boyfriend can look for something in his field of work in a smaller town. You can still go out in the city to party or socialize, but then you can have the quite layed back life of the country.
    The world is toooo fast and expensive to lose the one you love……
    IF you really LOVE this guy…..then try to find a way to make it work!!
    (OK…I’LL ADD MORE)….now you are a student, how long will it take you to graduate?? And is there a way maybe he can live with one of your friends (male friends) as a roommate until you graduate? Can you talk to your friends or counselor at school for help??
    Sorry…my answer is sooo long, but TRUE LOVE is worth fighting for…keep your chin up and your mind open for an answer…LOVE will find a way!!

  10. Reply
    litedemon82
    July 21, 2011 at 5:10 am

    well dont feel that bad because it will always hurt. But dont pay attention to negative comments from other people and ur family. Try to live ur life.remember that he is not the only one in the world. But also that u love him. Try to be flexible w/ ur future dates, because, u’d nave know wat will happen. Best of luck to u! – amy

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