Is It Bad That I Plan On Being A Working Mother?

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I live in the Northeast. The cost of living here is crazy. My Fi and I have started looking at houses. The cheapest we could find in a “decent” middle class town was $ 350,000 for a 3 bedroom. That’s for 1300 sq ft too. So, no mini mansion for us. Our mortgage will be well over $ 1,300 by the time we add taxes

We are discussing having children. I plan on being a teacher and I do plan on working when I have children.

However, I’m just amazed at the negativity that surronds working mothers.

In my case, my Fi will not make enough to pay a $ 1,300 mortgage-plus groceries, utilities, our student loan payments and his car payment and car insurance. Plus, basic needs like household repairs (the house we are buying is in need of a new bathroom/kitchen ASAP-it’s very old)

I can’t see how anyone would call my decision to work wrong, based on our financial situation. We are already moving to a town almost an hour away from where I grew up, b/c it’s a cheaper area.

18 Comments
  1. Reply
    Chineise J 456
    May 1, 2011 at 2:18 am

    no

  2. Reply
    cant wait to be a mommy :)
    May 1, 2011 at 2:23 am

    work all you want..dont let anyone tell you different..things have changed and were not living in the 50’s anymore..I’m a working mother and I plan on working until I retire..My baby isn’t due until Oct. but ill take my 6 weeks then ill go back to work. I know how you feel with the house payment..I’m in the middle of looking for a house and their definitely not cheap at all!!

    do what U want to do!!

    good luck

  3. Reply
    PrincessJ
    May 1, 2011 at 2:36 am

    No, it is not bad. I am a working mother. I think it’s great that you are willing to put the needs of your family before your own. Good luck to you. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t make you a better parent. there are good working parents & there are bad. there are good SAHM’s & there are bad. it’s the quality of the time you spend with your child. The morals & values you instill in them. if your child comes from a good, loving home, you’re giving him or her the proper foundation.

  4. Reply
    ticktock
    May 1, 2011 at 3:14 am

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a working mother. In fact, I think it’s a good thing and it teaches your kids responsibility at an early age. My husband just doesn’t make enough to support us all, so working is my only option. Don’t stress about it. Do what you feel is right.

  5. Reply
    nicolemcg
    May 1, 2011 at 4:04 am

    People do what they have to, dear. Don’t let anyone pressure you into making a decision that you’re not happy with, or that won’t work for you.

    I would suggest waiting a year before you have kids, to make sure you have some padding (new houses always cost more than you think they will in the beginning). Also, the cost of child care can be extraordinary.

    Also, when the baby is close, call your student loan people and ask to defer for a while. This will help when you’re out of work recovering from your new baby.

    Best of luck, and don’t volunteer that you’re planning on working if you can avoid it. It’s none of their business.

  6. Reply
    Kathrine A
    May 1, 2011 at 5:03 am

    no its not wrong to be a working mother.. thats just silly.. we all do the best we can to provide a safe and stable home for our children.
    I’m a stay at home mom because financially it works better for us, we don’t have to pay for childcare which would take up most of my check anyway (i have two girls and a boy on the way all under school age)

    if it turned out it would be better for my family that i go to work, then i’d go to work..

    do what you gotta do hun

  7. Reply
    just me
    May 1, 2011 at 5:58 am

    it’s not bad. you do what you have to do!
    I have to go back to work after i have my baby. we just bought a house (under 900 sq ft) right before we found out i was pregnant. my husband & i are trying to figure something out, maybe my mother will watch the baby a few days (not sure, she has to work too), we’ll try to keep it out of day care as much as possible, but we still need to find one for that occassional day.
    there are some good day cares, you can get referrals from people in your church, community, other parents.
    everyone just has to do their best!
    good luck!!

  8. Reply
    giggles
    May 1, 2011 at 6:44 am

    There is nothing wrong with going to work and being a mother at the same time. Sure you might feel Little bad,but you got to do what you got, to make it Thur!! You want the best possibility for you child and your family!!! You need to be financially set and able to buy things for yourself as well as your family!! Don’t feel bad about going to work I was like that and now i am working a full time job and i still have time for my family and i am able to do things like buy a house instead of rent and you get the pic. so as i say you go right on a head and work!!!!

  9. Reply
    VAgirl
    May 1, 2011 at 7:02 am

    It isn’t wrong or bad! It is something folks will give you endless opinions on. My little guy is 2 and has been in day care since he was 3 months old (I took a long leave). He is a happy well adjusted child who actually is a bit advanced for his age. But still folks question him going to day care and say it is sad which makes me feel bad at times. But the honest truth is that I spent a lot of time and effort to find a great day care that I love and he loves because we can’t make it on one income. That is the truth today-few families can get by on one income and as the current housing situation is showing some that tried to get bills down to a place that one person could manage them found that they did it at a high cost. I think that day care (a great one) is not a bad thing for a child and if I didn’t work then I couldn’t help to pay the regular bills and start a pre-paid college plan for my son. Just start your day care search early-we were on a long wait list for our center and most good place do have a wait list of 6-12 months. Good luck and congrats!

  10. Reply
    Kathie R
    May 1, 2011 at 7:42 am

    The majority of all mothers are working mothers. It is the rule rather than the exception. In today’s society it is just a fact that it takes two incomes to get by.
    Women today wear many hats and as long as you have your priorities straight and can be organized, you and your bby will be fine!
    My concern is that baby’s are very expensive so make sure that financially you can afford one (even with 2 salaries). I mean the basics and a few extras. Perhaps you’re child won’t have the latest and newest of everything but love makes up for allot.
    Lastly, just remember no one pays your bills, lives your life or will raise your child but you. As long as you feel comfortable, that’s all that matters.

  11. Reply
    Nick
    May 1, 2011 at 8:21 am

    No one cares. This is between you and your husband; you do whatever is right for you and your family and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions.

  12. Reply
    bravokardia
    May 1, 2011 at 8:22 am

    There is just as much negativity surrounding stay at home moms truthfully. It just seems like someone always has something to say about the situation no mater what.
    You will have to do what is best for your family – period.
    My husband and I have made many sacrifices in order to have one of us at home with our son each day and never need daycare, but this arrangement doesn’t work for everyone. Each family is different.
    I work 3 to 4 days per week and my husband works the day I am off work. It works well for us.

  13. Reply
    RSJ
    May 1, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Research the cost of daycare. It’s sad, but true- daycare can eat up so much of your income, that there’s not that much leftover. I’m a working mother and I’m around tons of working mothers. I’m fortunate to work with a company that is very accommodating- I’ve taken many days off to tend to a sick child, and I leave work early or take a couple of hours off to volunteer at school, go to class parties, make it to soccer practice. I returned to work from maternity leave after 6 weeks. My son stayed at home with his grandmother for 3 days and a nanny for 2 days. Then, when he was 6 mos old, he went to daycare 2 days a week. At age 3, he went to daycare everyday. I had researched many daycares and the best one I found was also a Lutheran school that went to the 6th grade. He was actually in the “toddler class”. He absolutely loved daycare and as an only child- that was where he could really work on his social skills- listening, sharing, taking turns, following instructions. They were always doing crafts and he’d sing me songs he’d learned. Everything about it was a positive experience. For myself, I love my child to pieces- but I could not be a stay-at-home mom. I would feel unbalanced without adult interaction for days in a row. I like getting dressed for work, I like the demands and satisfaction of my job, some of my best friends are co-workers, all that just makes me a better person. That way, I can be that better person for my son. Separation does benefit a relationship. Everyday, the best moment was reaching the doorway and greeting my son. I’d always get a little flutter right before. Apart, you realize how much you miss them, and when back together, you figure out how happy you are to see them. My son is now in kindergarten and he’s a very happy, adjusted child.

  14. Reply
    Ducky
    May 1, 2011 at 9:03 am

    It is not bad to work if you cannot afford your bills. People who judge your clear thinking (logical thinking) about this issue need to butt out of your business, unless they are willing to help you pay your bills. BUT…if you have looked at the statistics and opinions written everyday about this subject, you will notice that the world is changing its view on “new moms”. A lot of companies are allowing you to work from home…and with you wanting to be a teacher…(we can use some GREAT teachers out there!) the great thing about being a teacher is that once your kids are in school, you will have the same schedule as them. =) Also, you can always wait to have children, until you are a little more certain/set of what your financial situation will be. My experience is that you are never “ready” to have kids. Whether it’s your finances, your job, you’re too busy… whatever. I was poor, poor, poor, (and 23) when I had my baby girl. I was working at a hospital, with horrible hours and no one helped us raise our child. My hubby and I worked through it and that’s what you do if you want a family! You will see the rewards of your hard work and dedication, my friend. Good Luck!

  15. Reply
    amber 18
    May 1, 2011 at 9:42 am

    You should never feel bad about being a working mother! Not everyone can afford to stay home, including myself. Also, I enjoy what I do at work, so it is important for me to continue that, excel in what I do, and teach my kids that hard work is important.
    It was hard to leave my little one at daycare when I went back to work, but I can already see great things that he is learning, that I wouldn’t have been able to give him at home. (These are comparisons between my son and my girlfriend’s son who she stays home with 90% of the time.)
    1. He is much better transitioning between “places.” He can stay at any relatives house, and different sitters without feeling uncomfortable.
    2. He is much more playful and nice to other babies.
    3. He is not selfish about toys and things that are “his.”
    4. He goes to all my relatives and daycare providers happily when I have to leave (after a short bout of separation anxiety that all babies have.)
    5. He tries to mimick other babies. He is in a baby room with mostly older babies and he has mastered eating with his fingers and is already starting to walk at 10.5 months because he is watching and learning what other babies do.

    There are more reasons, but I want you to know that you’re not making a bad decision, you’re making the decision that is best for you! (You didn’t ask, but I’m going to say – I breastfed for almost 5 months even though I was a working mom and it is doable! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.!)

    Good luck!

  16. Reply
    Sarita'sMommy
    May 1, 2011 at 9:44 am

    I’m a full time working mom and don’t regret it nor feel bad about it nor care what others may think. I’m not neglecting my child for coming to work, I need to work in order to make sure our needs are met and she has her milk, clothes and everything she needs. It doesn’t make me a worse or better mother, just my situation. There are many good SAHM as well as bad ones and the same applies for working moms. It’s all about quality time. I don’t think less of SAHM mom’s, their work is hard, if not harder than ours, I wish I could stay home, I just can’t afford it. Some say it’s not worth working and spending all the money in a childcare, but many companies have their own – free- child cares right there, and in some countries – I’m in southamerica- hiring a nanny is very cheap – I’m talking USD 10 a day!!!- so when you do the math it’s worth working. To each their own, do whatever you need to do, the hell with what others may think.

  17. Reply
    bagalagalaga
    May 1, 2011 at 10:04 am

    It’s fine to be a working mom – just do your part and don’t look down on stay-at-home moms or make comments about stay-at-home moms not really working and all that. It’s sad that there’s so many moms posting similar questions, feeling guilty about doing one or the other because everyone’s pressuring them that it’s “better” to work or “better” to stay at home.

  18. Reply
    dananas
    May 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

    well in ur case reading all the things u wrote i dont c why is bad being a working mom. instead i think is fun

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