I’m just asking my husband to allow me to control my money?

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My husband is struggling to manage their bills. Even before we got married, he was cleared $ 1000 a month apartment, but he brought about 80 a year and have had no bill other than € 300 per month car note (he went with me, but do not tell me he sold). Over the years it has lagged behind its bills and I have “loaned” to pay money for things. We handle our own money and both have particular things to pay. No account yet common due to him under our two measures of money from it without asking. We’re about even how we earn and our bills, but it is also four credit cards, pay bills, I proposed years to get rid of him because he will keep pace. The problem is that my husband is short at the end of the month, and I must take my savings to do for her. It is short, because his credit, he is a smoker and he is not managing his money and always pay for everything up next. This lasts for years and have always threatened to get all his pay me. He does not want this because he knows I will not, it’s money for his cigarettes or something I think frivolous. It has nothing to do with it. I would have paid more money after his bills, but did not have enough monthly income to pay them. He plays catch up to the end, I’m the one who should pay for their loss. $ 5 for cigarettes is $ 5, I finally had to blow in recent months have been the last straw. Recent finacial problems come when we leave the point for the holidays. I paid $ 1000 for a count of 3-month delay, when he had our phones, cables and offline. I need internet, I work from home. I paid, so he paid me and had no money for our trip. I bought everything on vacation with our two children, day care providers and my niece 13 years, until he paid six days later. I would not have planned the trip, when I knew things were going so badly for him. (My niece had more money than him, but he had a suitcase full of smoke.) It was my second day and the day of the second mother I do not get anything. Since then underway. No money for diapers, food stores, that things around the house fixed. The money for smokes well. Her car broke down, he took half of his share of the mortgage ($ 800) for repair. Did not get it fixed and can not for the money other than what it is for a party that we had purchased the change. I had to lend him his share of the mortgage this month. Sunday he had no money for groceries. He said if I loaned him, he buy food for the next two times. Ok, that’s what we did last month. I told him, that makes things worse. It has many denominations. His idea of ​​discounts on our grocery budget. The approximately $ 150 per week for five people. He says its useless and I have an expensive taste in food. It can survive in a pack of sausages. Anyway, I told him to return any money to pay me and let me handle it. I intend to threatened but never did because I really do not want. Well, I have no choice, or get hit bills and lend money with money from a savings account is for emergencies and the kids college fund . I told him that if he does it for me, it does not come with me for loans or otherwise. This includes back and forth with my car to work. So far, he said no to her. Personally, I think it’s fair. I know that I put between the hammer and the anvil, but I do not think its fair market value for me to pay for its deficits, just because I budget better than him. He does not want me to because he knows I’m not him money for cigarettes. I understand his addiction, but still you have responsibilities that come first. Holidays and birthdays are our children. I see now, with me in everything and not a Christmas present to pay again for me. I do not want her money. I just want him to pay his bills and build savings. I do not want a paycheck. We should be able to live our salaries.

13 Comments
  1. Reply
    Ranjan
    April 30, 2011 at 12:36 am

    It should be collective decision…

  2. Reply
    PEGGY S
    April 30, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Tell him to turn his check over to you, along with his bills, and you will give him a weekly allowance. Tell him that it will have to cover his cigarettes and any other expenses he has for the whole week. Take his credit cards and cut them up. Give him one emergency card and tell him that the only way he can use it, is to call you first, and only in an emergency situation.

    That is what my daughter did with her husband. She told him that she was tired of footing most of the bills. It has worked out great. They now have a substantial savings, and he is enjoying not having to worry about how the bills are paid. (He smokes too. She did not take that away, but he has to take it out of his own allowance)

    Be careful. If a man is spending that much money, he is usually spending it on another woman, or a very nasty addiction such as drugs or gambling, which is nothing compared to a few cigarettes!!!

    Good Luck. Hope it all works out for you!!

  3. Reply
    Diane
    April 30, 2011 at 1:41 am

    Work out a budget, figure out what it costs each month or fortnight to live, and both of you put your share into a savings account, cut up the credit cards, work that into the budget as well,(paying them off), and if you need have another account for both of you to have holidays etc. good luc
    P.S. CUT UP THE CARDS

  4. Reply
    Tinkerbell
    April 30, 2011 at 2:09 am

    I think you should sit down and work out a budget – incoming, outgoing. He needs to keep to his budget. Some people are useless at managing their money, seems your husband is one of them, so if he doesnt mind then take control of the money issues. I do that in my house and my husband is glad not to worry about the admin and cheques!

  5. Reply
    i_ate_sponge_bob
    April 30, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Just stop lending him money, he made the mess and you keep picking up after him for some reason.

    Personally I would of told him that he either sorts it out or moves out, because you don’t want the bailiffs to come knocking on your door. Every time you get him out of trouble he will just end up getting into more and more until it gets to the point where you can’t bail him out.

  6. Reply
    vqaf
    April 30, 2011 at 3:47 am

    From what u have written here I would say u are being fair. Do what u have too!

  7. Reply
    J
    April 30, 2011 at 4:13 am

    I understand your issue, my girlfreind couldn’t balance her budget to save her hiney. She did give me financial power of attorney so I could handle big issue if needed, but overall I let her handle her money and have to bail her out frequently. Our situation is much slimmer than yours, litteraly living paycheck to paycheck, so this is an issue where I’m almost ready to take control of her finances and give her an allowance for the frivolous items.

    I think you’re being fair in asking, yes. If you’re always bailing his butt out, definately. Marriage is supposed to be about support and compromise. He’s not doing either with finances, but it’s a hard thing to give over the money you work for. Doesn’t excuse his actions (rather lack thereof).
    Your issue with rescinding your support letting him fail is that you’re married and hits on his credit will be hits to your credit, and collectors may be legaly able to come after you for his debts. Altho after his pay is garnished a time or two he MIGHT get a clue. However, if you do stop bailing him out he might get the message and get his poo together on his own. Either route has it’s pitfalls, not a situation I envy you for.

  8. Reply
    ablex
    April 30, 2011 at 4:50 am

    Personally, I would split the household bills and joint expenses down the middle and each of you contribute half of that amount, from each paycheck. Mortgage, groceries, utilities, etc.
    Let him deal with his own credit cards and such on his own. If his credit goes to hell or he runs out of cigarette money, it’s his own damn fault and he can grow the hell up and be responsible.

  9. Reply
    Koolkat
    April 30, 2011 at 5:14 am

    It’s not the bills, it’s the money. On that pre-marriage set up, he was going through about 2500 a month or 600 a week, plus what he was putting on the credit cards, for??? did he/does he ever show up with new clothes? jewellery? go to $ 200 per head restaurants?? regularly drink $ 150 a bottle whisky?

    You say he puts in his half of the bills, then takes out your share as well. Have you ever demanded to know where that money is actually going? no way it is CIGARETTES, not even the “funny” kind. This does not sound like a budgeting problem. It’s a something getting priority for all the money ahead of anything else including his rent problem, and that is usually an addiction of some kind.

    No way he ‘s spending that kind of money on cigarettes. There’s only two things that kind of money can disappear on year after year – drugs or gambling.

    Work out what you need weekly for mortgage, utilities and food. Make him put half of that into an account by DIRECT DEBIT, right out of his bank account if his pay goes into one, or some other automatic method. That is an account ONLY YOU can take money out of. YOU then pay the bills as they fall due. Take away the physical credit cards. Money you are putting aside for quarterly payments you could pay onto the credit card with the lowest balance, as it will reduce the interest a little; then use the card to pay the bill with, preferably on-line. The only way you can stop him using the cards on-line is to make him report them lost, and when the replacement cards arrive YOU take and hide them so he doesn’t know the card numbers.

    This would still leave him money in his hand, and it is not you giving him pocket money like he’s a kid. But it makes him hand over ON PAY DAY his share of the bills, with him not being responsible for having to pay any of them directly himself. So you are not putting him down by wanting to treat him like a kid to manage his money. You are only managing the household bills.

    Refusing him cigarettes is NOT the solution. You’d be better off making him pay his cigarette money into the fund only you handle, and buy him a carton at half the price. You have no business trying to punish him by depriving him, and THEN expecting him to co-operate. If you’re both earning anything near the 80 thou hehad then, a few $ 5 packs of smokes is NOT causing any of this problem.

    If you can talk SOME sense to him, make him keep a diary for a week of everything he spends. Ideally with all the receipts,too, if he gets any. But you’re going to find him refuse this, and still need money. You are his wife, he’s the father of your kids, you have every right to demand to know what his money is going on. Don’t forget an addiction is not something the person chose, nor something they can stop without expert help, so be supportive but NOT WITH MONEY.

  10. Reply
    Pat
    April 30, 2011 at 6:08 am

    I am “the husband” and I made my own question at http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100831073137AAhzZUj&r=w

  11. Reply
    well since you asked.
    April 30, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Here are several ideas that may help you.

    1. Smoking is an addiction. However, you/he doesn’t have to smoke the most expensive brand of cigarettes.
    Switch to a less expensive pack of cigarettes… or….
    Switch to making your own cigarettes…which will slow down the smoking considerably because its a bother!!!!

    2. Come up with a percentage of his income that you MUST have to make ends meet. A realistic amount for him to keep for cigarettes/lunch/gas/misc. May be around $ 100-$ 150 a week.

    3. Have him turn over the credit cards…lock them up! He must pay for all his odds and ends with cash it will help him see where he wastes a lot clearer.

    4. Look into ordering from the angel food ministries everyone qualifies, no limitations, groceries for a lot less money!

    I hope you find something beneficial to your situation here.

  12. Reply
    Andrian Ramirez
    April 30, 2011 at 8:02 am

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  13. Reply
    say it all...
    April 30, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Down to the local credit union or bank…get someone to make a budget that both of you can stick with.

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