If your spouse cheats on you and you ask them to move, do you still expect them to pay his half of everything?

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If your spouse cheats on you and you tell them to get out, would you still expect them to pay their half of the bills (mortgage and utilities specifically) even if they didn’t have anywhere else to go and ended up getting an apartment and could not afford to pay the mortgage and the rent? Say for instance your mortgage is $ 1,500 and you cannot afford to pay that on your own. You both decide to put the house up for sale but obviously there is a process and then you have to wait to get offers and then for the transaction to be complete. Say it takes 3 to 4 months to sell the house. That is 3 or 4 months you would have to pay $ 1,500 by yourself. The cheating spouse feels that if you put them out, for whatever reason, they have to look out for themselves and find them another place to stay. They say they will work something out with the outstanding bills and the mortgage. Am I being naive in thinking that the cheating spouse should still have to pay regardless?
Just FYI, my husband is the cheating spouse. We were having this discussion tonight because we were on the verge of splitting up this past Tuesday. But he said he was planning to get him an apartment. I asked how he was planning to pay rent and half of the mortgage. He said he didn’t know he would have had to work something out. I said, well you would leave me with all these bills knowing I can’t pay everything alone? He said, well, what I am supposed to do? You told me to get out. I can’t believe this! I feel like I should work hard to get me a second job so I can have extra money just incase.

18 Comments
  1. Reply
    kimberly
    July 21, 2011 at 1:03 am

    We are assuming he paid something to begin with?
    No, if you ask him to leave you also asked him to stop paying even though you didn’t say that.
    Unless maybe you have kids.

  2. Reply
    Mr. G
    July 21, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Yes.

    It will be difficult, but if both spouse pay, then both spouses should have the right to the house.

    How about this…both of you split the mortgage, but since you want him out of the house, you should pick up the rent and utilities for where he goes.

    See…having him split the bills is as ridiculous as your paying his rent.

  3. Reply
    Hope
    July 21, 2011 at 2:00 am

    oh boy, sorry about your situation.

    As long as he’s living there he has to pay (he IS working right?) but when he moves out I’m afraid he’s not legally bound to pay, UNLESS….

    is the house under his name, who’s name is on the deed???

  4. Reply
    littlegoober75
    July 21, 2011 at 2:52 am

    No, you asked him to move. Then let the judge decide on spousal support. Adultery doesn’t usually fall well in a court room….

  5. Reply
    rotogeek33
    July 21, 2011 at 3:23 am

    1) Get a lawyer. Now. Don’t wait any longer. He/she will be able to tell you what your rights are under the law.

    2) Make no decisions about splitting assets, selling assets, etc., until you have spoken to a lawyer.

    3) If you need help paying bills, see if you can find a roommate. Just remember that unless he has threatened you and you have a protective order against him, he has a right to stay in the house.

  6. Reply
    Bethany I
    July 21, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Ouch! so sorry hon!
    Do you REALLY want to divorce him or are you just real hurt?
    Could you perhaps split the house in half until you both decide what you’re going to do?
    I would seek a councilor immediately.
    If you know it’s over for good get an attorney IMMEDIATELY.
    He may have to pay up for breaking the marriage contract.
    You can actually sue him for divorce on these grounds.
    Best of luck to you.

  7. Reply
    fuzzykitty
    July 21, 2011 at 4:16 am

    well, unless you go to a lawyer and file for a separation and get stipulations as to what he needs to do, I, didn’t see any mention of children. Nope ! I don’t think he has to give you a dime unless the law says he has to . Cheating or not .

  8. Reply
    fishin for answer
    July 21, 2011 at 5:06 am

    you put him out for whatever reason,thenn he shouldnt have to pay anything.he is being put out,he isnt leaving voluntarily.if that was the case,then i would say he has to pay half your bills,but it isnt so he shouldnt have to pay you anything!sorry but that only fair from my point of view. good luck.

  9. Reply
    butrcupps
    July 21, 2011 at 5:08 am

    You’re right, it is a difficult situation and this is where a lot of people get into financial trouble. Yes, he should pay for 1/2 the mortgage and any other debts that the two of you share. He cannot, however, be expected to pay 1/2 the utilities for the future if he is not using them. If he is unable to contribute to the mortgage and other bills, make sure you keep very accurate records of what each of you pay and make arrangements for money to come out of his share of the proceeds of the house. I hope everything works out for you. (ggrrr, that cheating dog).

  10. Reply
    lost soul 2
    July 21, 2011 at 5:51 am

    yeah it may be hard to live together for NOW but hav e u considered living in same house until it gets sold …. live your seperate lives but share expenses ….its a hard thing but for financial reasons it may have to be just that ….

  11. Reply
    bigmom
    July 21, 2011 at 6:18 am

    If you are both on the mortgage for the house, then you are both liable for the payment. If only one of you has their name on the loan then that is the person responsible for paying the loan, regardless of your living arrangements. If you stay in the house while it is in the process of being put up for sale, then he should continue to make half of the payment until it is sold. If not, then once it is sold then the part that you paid to cover his part should be paid to you at the closing. If neither of you pay and a debt is developed, then it should be paid equally out of the profits from the sale. Yes, he should pay his part of any outstanding debts: house, electric, gas, credit cards, etc. Yes, he is still legally responsible. Get an attorney, get it on paper. The laws vary from state to state, but bills are bills and someone is ultimately responsible for paying them, just depends on whose name is on them……and if the state you live in is community property or not. YOU NEED TO CONSULT AN ATTORNEY A.S.A.P.!!!

  12. Reply
    bluebell
    July 21, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Once he moves out, you are the only person using the utilities so you should pay for them. The house, though, needs to be paid by both of you until it is sold, so the proceeds can be neatly split down the middle. Makes it much easier than trying to work out what proportion each paid, and what ratio each will get.

  13. Reply
    Shanesgrl
    July 21, 2011 at 7:05 am

    It was wrong of him to cheat. Obviously. But, it is a little unfair of you to kick him out and make him pay for a whole apartment, utilities . . and half of your bills. He’s only one person. People make mistakes. It sucks that you have to be on the losing end of things. But, you made the decision to kick him out and not try to work things out. It’s okay to expect him to help you out as much as he can. He should. But, it may not be possible for him to pay that kind of $ $ and to pay for his own place at the same time.

  14. Reply
    freakboynv2000
    July 21, 2011 at 7:39 am

    you are living in a dream world if you think he will be able to support you. you have a choice to make, keep him and his money or kick him and his money out.

  15. Reply
    beautiful truth
    July 21, 2011 at 8:07 am

    no you are not being naive you are being very realistic!he is the one who fucked up so he will be held liable to do his part!take his ass to court!i would proudly file for divorce b/c he seems to be ok with what he did!why can’t he move in with the adultress?shit,ihave no pitty for men of his kind!you have every right to demand that he pay his part.why should you be left to pay bills that you both shared?any judge that has since will make him pay!

  16. Reply
    Wicked Good
    July 21, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Okay, legally he is still obligated to the mortgage because his NAME is on the mortgage. But not the utilities, because he can get his name off the utilities. But he can’t take his name off the mortgage. That is a debt he owes regardless of where he lives.

    We had friends who shared the same house until it sold, in seperate rooms because they couldn’t afford seperate places it sucked but when your finances are entangled you have to work thingns out. Legally he is obligated for 1/2.

  17. Reply
    jlcoop1001
    July 21, 2011 at 8:47 am

    No. If your husband is paying half the bills, you should just bite the bullet, and try to live as room mates until the house sells. Yes, it would suck if he left and you had to pay for it all, but if you reversed the situation, and YOU were moving out, would you think it was fair to have to pay for all of your stuff at your “new apartment” as well as pay for all the expenses of a place you aren’t even living in? Don’t think like the scorned wife. Look at it from a realistic perspective. Do you really want to bankrupt him? Do you want to burn him like he burned you? If the answer is yes, then you are just bitter and thats the only thing you are gonna do anyway. If you guys are really gonna do all that splittin up, and whatever, I say, you guys refinance the house to get the money you need to cover rent for 6 months, and then BOTH of you move out and take care of YOURSELVES. Don’t do the bitter rivalry, it’s lame and it only causes more drama for both of you. I’d say you obviously don’t love eachother if the biggest issue is money, not working out your husbands mistake, or just letting go.

  18. Reply
    Bill M
    July 21, 2011 at 9:42 am

    very delicate subject but the answer lies within the problem.
    First – times have changed and the man is no longer the bread winner in every situation. Money is usually 1/3 the cause of most divorces, so unless the mortgage is only in your name than it’s in both of your interest to pay the bills on time and not screw up your credit. If you cannot live together untill the house sells then he (or she) needs to stay with friends or family (for free) or as close as possible. Any good friend will allow this due to the situation. You used the word process and you are exactly right. Ask eachother if you can work together during this process and end the relationship in a respectful manner.The fact that you haven’t lawyered up is a risky thing, but to do so will affect you both financially in a way that the “cheating spouse” is not prepared for. Depending on the state you live in, he (or she) really has no choice but to pay up and shut up. When he (or she) decided to be unfaithful he(or she) gave up the right to have most of the say in how YOU NOW WANT TO PROCEED. You are not naive, he (or she) must pay. But don’t be foolish, you are in a very vulnerable position. Make a call to a divorce attorney and get something faxed or e-mailed to you.This will give you stability and leverage. Let the cheater know you will not allow your future to be altered anymore than it has to be. If the cheater is a women then you will have to realize that our society wants equallity with double standards.
    You won’t get much sympathy being a man and you will be expected to pay it alone. Don’t ! If this is your situation simply treat this as a 50/50 relationship and move on. You will need time to heal and that will be much easier if the finances are handled properly. I recommend a mediator if not an attorney.
    Simply because a “cheater” is a liar and probably on a slippery slope looking for the easiest way out. Be brave and stay close to friends and have a third party present everytime you two meet to plan anything.
    Good luck. You will get through this, so imagine where you want to be in about 6 months and make wise decisions to get there. I suggest prayer and a good support group (friend or family member) brothers and sisters are best for this.

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