Help Settle this Money Dispute With My Husband?

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I do not consider my husband is good with money. We have been married almost 6 years. Prior to the wedding he moved in with me, I didn’t know that he had been evicted from his apartment. At the time, he made a little over 60 thou yearly and the apt was 1000 monthly. After he moved in with me, I “loaned/paid” off the judgement from the apartment, several years back taxes to the tune of over 5 thou. Since the marriage, he has had several debt problems. He constantly runs up credit cards and has poor credit. All of this when we were making good money together and had a low mortgage. We decided to sell my home and purchase one together as he wanted one in his name also. His credit rating was low, I took hold of his finances, paid his bills, gave him an allowance and started him up a savings account. He had fair credit rating when I was finished. By the time we sold the house, the credit cards were back up, his savings was gone and he ended up withdrawing 3 (or 4) thou from our joint savings to pay off his credit cards. He ruined his credit and I ended up putting the house in my name to keep the interest rate low. My rating was close to 800. So its been two years & the same problems. He is living paycheck to paycheck. We make an even amount of money, but I pay at least 60% of everything. He has credit card bills, smoking habit and I feel too flagrant with his money. We have had utilities cut off, he has bounced checks, and sometimes does not have grocery money. I have had to go without Mother’s Day or Christmas presents, but I am always good to him. I bail him out time and time again using savings from the sell of my old home. A couple of times, I told him to hand his paycheck over to me, so I can handle the bills. He did it reluctantly, but always took it back in two or three days, because we would argue. Now I am sick of going into my savings, it will not last forever. He owes me hundreds of dollars, he had no money for Christmas presents for our kids. I asked him to turn over his entire paycheck with the exception of $ 50.00 per week. I will use it to pay all bills, food, his gas to and from work and do what I can to get him some savings started. He does not want too. He keeps wanting to try what is not working and dipping into my savings. He is going to read this. What do you all think?

8 Comments
  1. Reply
    Brendan
    May 4, 2011 at 3:06 am

    Pack his bags and say goodbye to the loser!

  2. Reply
    David C
    May 4, 2011 at 3:35 am

    D I V O R C E

  3. Reply
    Wayne Z
    May 4, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Where does his money go? He definitely has a problem.

    It is time to take away his credit cards and put him on an allowance.

  4. Reply
    Chicken Tenders
    May 4, 2011 at 4:17 am

    what the hell is going on here?

  5. Reply
    Love big words
    May 4, 2011 at 4:21 am

    You need a written budget.

  6. Reply
    ChoDuffield
    May 4, 2011 at 4:32 am

    You’ve done about as much as you can on your own. Research a good debt expert. Both of you attend those classes. Even a marriage counselor (or such) might be able to help. I do NOT agree with anyone on here that tells you to divorce. You have a family and obviously love him or you wouldn’t have lasted with him this long.

  7. Reply
    BIll Q
    May 4, 2011 at 4:49 am

    You need to save money in an account that is only in your name. You need to stop bailing him out, you are just throwing away money away. Let his credit cards go into default, and the credit card companies will not let him charge more.

    This advice assumes you are not in a community property state. If you are, then you are in trouble, because you are then responsible for his debts.

  8. Reply
    Christina
    May 4, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Yikes! If he is going to read this, that may cause some trouble in your marriage, don’t you think? I know my husband would be pretty upset to see me putting him down online (even if what I said was honest).

    So, if I’m understanding you correctly, you and your husband want to have good credit and not be hurting for money. But he doesn’t want you to control all of the money (except that $ 50 spending money you offered for him to keep from each check). And you don’t want him to bring down your credit score or continually spend what you were trying to save.

    In many, many marriages, there is one person who is a saver and one who is a spender. It’s like that in my marriage: I am the saver and he is the spender. It does make life interesting, doesn’t it!?! Anyway, I understand your situation.

    Since you are the one with the greater interest in saving and spending wisely, why don’t you take it upon yourself to write down all of your monthly expenses (mortgage, utilities, car payment, insurance payment, etc.). If your husband will agree, have him keep copies of all receipts for you for one month and you do the same. At the end of the month, go through and group both of your monthly expenses into categories (food, gas, clothing, health-related, household, etc.). Once you know where you are spending your money each month, you can set a spending plan (budget) by deciding how much of your monthly income you would like to spend on each category. Many couples use labeled jars or envelopes to put money in from each check so they can keep track of how much they have to spend for that category for the month. Make sure to leave a jar/envelope of money for him and for you to spend on random things, as you please. Also, decide how much you have left to put into savings. Cut up your credit cards and cancel them and start buying things with cash only. That way, you guys can’t run up any more credit card debt.

    Make sure you and your hubby both realize that any time you feel like you’re not putting enough money into a category, you can re-do your spending plan. And also let him know that even though you took it upon yourself to create the spending plan, you’re open to his advice about it.

    If you guys are having trouble with money still after you do this, perhaps you are living above your means and could consider moving into a less expensive house or car.

    It might also be fun to have a “change jar” that you can your hubby can drop change (or dollars) into whenever you have a little extra. Use this money to save up for something really fun – like a couples cruise to Jamaica or whatever peaks your interest.

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